somethings coming...

So... I thought I'd try for while, I'm away at least, to keep this up to date.

I guess I'm using my trip for 2 purposes, 3 actually.... 1. A REALLY big rest cos I just need a break!! 2. To see so many people who I love and who mean so much to me but God, in all his wisdom, decided that we had to live on the opposite sides of the planet. and 3. I'm going to spend my trip (having a ball) but really seeking God and the next step for my life...

For about 18months now I've been getting words like over and over and over again saying that 'change' is coming, something big and I need to reposition myself. And I really had no idea what that meant. So I just left it... cos I dont need to make God's word come to pass, he does, I just need to be open and willing.
It was actually weird for me because in the past whenever God has had something to do with me he's more put the 'action' on my heart not the stirring. Like going to Africa it wasn't like I felt God going "I've got something big for you"... it was "I'm going to Africa". And I knew that was God and I knew that was his plan, but there was no longing beforehand no seeking him "what do you want me to do?"

But particularly over the last 6 months I've just had this building building building in my spirit that there is something just beyond my wildest imaginings that God has for me to do... and that shouldn't be a surprise because I know that's what God desires for all of us- a supernatural life... and I've had words spoken over me since I was just a kid that God had a specific job for me and it was big and only I could do it. But you know what it blows my mind that he would use me!! It really does... who am I? Nobody!! I'm just this girl who came from a broken family who was never very popular, who was ALWAYS picked last in sport, who was kind of average at most things... heck I cant even ride a bike... I really am this average person... but I'm so glad that when I was 13 years old I decided that my whole life, no matter what was going to belong to God... that he could use me for whatever he had to do!! And so now I have people wanting to write newspaper articles about me and I'm No-one... I just have an incredible amazing God!!

So this feeling... this longing... this desire... it's like half the most horrible thing I've ever felt and half the most amazing!! It's really bizarre!! It's like this terrible ache constantly in my gut, just never really going away, always just hurting a little... but there is also this joy I don't ever remember feeling... a buzz, butterflies all the time... so I have aching butterflies!! haha!!

And over the past few weeks I have developed some thoughts about what I think I might do... but I have committed to not making any decisions until I come home from my trip... I'm just going to relax... try and clear my mind of all the drama's which flood my everyday world and I'm going to have a chat with God!!

So all my beloved friends... and even some of you who just follow along because of some of the other journey's God has taken me on... please be praying that God's plan for me is clear... that the people who are supposed to be around me are and that I can be faithful in all he has for me!!

I will also let you know who AWESOME my trip is too... SO EXCITED!!

Living like Mary... John 11

So reading in my devotions this week about Mary and Martha after Lazarus died... and I just thought I'd share some things I got from that...

So their brother has died, they had faith that Jesus could heal him... they loved Jesus... but all hope seems gone now as Lazarus has been dead for 4 days... most people would tend to focus on the miracle of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead but something else stood out to me...

In verse 28 Martha goes to Mary after seeing Jesus and tells her that Jesus wants to see her it says that "As soon as Mary heard this, she got up and went out to Jesus"... and then when she see's him she falls her feet and says "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died".

Firstly I guess what stood out to me was that even though Mary was hurting, she was upset with Jesus (who was her friend) that she got up immediately and went to him. There was never a moment where she thought I'm too hurt to go to him... she responded to this man whom she loved.

And Secondly she didn't try and be all holy... she didn't do the super spiro thing of "your will be done Lord", she said it's your "fault and I'm ticked off at you"...

I think sometimes that we think as Christian's we are not being good followers if we are not being these quiet little submissive "yes sir no sir" people... but that's not what God intended at all... he intended us to be in relationship with him... so while we need to have faith and trust that he is God and he know's best we also don't have to hide away what we are feeling. He knows anyway!! It's ok to go "God, I really wanted that and I'm upset that it didn't come through for me"... But in saying that we have to look at the first thing Mary did... she went to him... The other side is that people get angry at God and so they close off... God is still God, he loves us, he is everything... so we still need to go to him... we need to respond immediately when he asks for us... but respond in our honesty...



I pray that I can be the sort of person that no matter what is going on I respond to the call of Jesus... that I don't let anything hold me back from answering his voice in my life... but I also pray that I am always first and foremost in relationship with him... that I don't ever want to just do what is "culturally" acceptable but that I am completely open with my God!!